I believe that this whole pursuit of mine is really just my way of trying to find some inner peace. Some way to be happy and satisfied with the life I’ve been handed. From as far back as I can remember, I’ve never been at peace with myself. There’s always been inner turmoil, self-doubt, paranoia, and guilt. More than anything else…guilt.
The problems I’ve had I believe root in my upbringing. Christianity (and most other major religious) foster guilt. I have always had such a problem feeling guilty about things. Even things that I had absolutely NOTHING to do with. I think that a lot of that comes from being brought up in a church that says that basically everyone is a sinner and most everything that humans do is sin. I have a real problem with that. I can’t honestly believe that by our nature we are sinners that need saving. And anyone who doesn’t believe and follow that ideology is doomed to an eternity in a pit of fire.
The more I find out about the differing veiwpoints and beliefs throughout the world and history, the more I feel it’s ok to believe what I believe. It’s ok to not follow ‘the crowd’ and do what everyone else is doing just because that’s the way it’s always been done. I hope that this trend continues. I think i deserve some inner peace for a change.