05.03.2009 – A New Direction
It’s been a while, once again, since I’ve come here to write anything. I’m not entirely sure why. It’s not like my pursuits for knowledge and truth have stopped. I’ve just not really had the desire to share them. And frankly, I still don’t really. But what I think I DO need to do, is use this space as a sort of regular journal. Some place where I can just write my random thoughts and findings on a near-daily basis just so that I have a way to chart my path going forward. Some days I have ideas or theories about different topics and at the time I think they are cool. But often times, they get lost in the business of life and I end up forgetting about them. So, I figure this is a good place to store those things.
I still expect that most of the topics here will be religiously based, as that’s still a very big interest of mine. So, I’ll do a quick synopsis of the last few months of what I’ve been looking into.
I’ve found a real interest in Buddhist thought and philosophy. It’s not at all what I thought is was going to be or what I was brought up to believe that it is. In my opinion, it seems to be a way of calming your mind and finding inner peace. And the power to do that is within us all. Instead of having to look towards some external influence, we need to dig deep into ourselves to eliminate the erratic thoughts and calm our minds. That’s very much the kind of thing that I believe I’ve been looking for. I’ve read several books on the topic now: Essential Buddhism by Jacky Sach, The Three Pillars of Zen by Roshi Philip Kapleau, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind by Shunryu Suzuki, and I’m am currently ready Mindfulness, Bliss, and Beyond by Ajahn Brahm. Ajahn Brahm is a Buddhist monk at the Buddhist Society of Western Australia. He broadcasts weekly Dharma talks over the Internet that I find very refreshing, calming, and inspiring. What I really like about Buddhism is they make no claims about god, so it very much fits into my mindset.
I’ve looked far and wide for answers to the worlds religions and to see if any are really on the right track. What I end up with after every new turn and bend in the road is that my comfort zone always comes back to atheism. I ponder the doctrines and dogmas of the religions and spiritualities and think that maybe certain parts could have some basis in truth, but when it’s all said and done, I still keep coming back to my disbelief. It’s really the thing that makes the most sense to me.
A few months ago, I had it out with my Mother and Step father about their fundamentalist beliefs and the fact that I don’t believe any of it. They pulled out all of the apologist tools. Like they had read them straight from one of the books or websites. I actually laughed at one point because is sounded so scripted to me. Since then, things have kind of broken down in our relationship. I haven’t talked to my Mother in a couple of months now because I’m just tired of being constantly judged. I don’t need people in my life who aren’t going to accept me for who I am.
As for today, my day consisted of taking my daughter to her horseback riding lesson and then helping some friends get settled into a new home that they just moved into yesterday. I do like helping people out when I can. I like being able to give of my time and effort. I need to do more of that…a lot more.